This is a short one.
I will keep it to the point.
You do not ‘catch’ the postpartum: ‘I caught the postpartum’
You do not ‘get’ postpartum: ‘I had postpartum’
You do not ‘have’ postpartum: ‘I have postpartum’.
These are statements I often hear people say, even professionals.
It drives me crazy.
Why does it drive me crazy?
Because it is an ignorant statement.
It demonstrates a lack of knowledge and reverence towards the postpartum period.
It also demonstrates how people are shy (or shamed) to talk about the matters pertaining to mental and emotional unrest, distress, and/or illness during their postpartum period.
And, it tells me that many are still afraid of the postpartum phase.
There is something I sense behind these kinds of statements. Something like: The postpartum is over there, and I, the mother, am over here, and the two can’t connect to one another. Affirming disconnection and a lack of embodiment associated with this time period.
In other words, you only get the postpartum if you are suffering in the postpartum.
Otherwise, you somehow magically manage to bypass this part of the becoming-a-mother journey. This is indeed problematic, from my vantage point at least.
The postpartum is a descriptive word that refers to the post delivery phase of the childbirth continuum. Lots occurs during the postpartum period. Every mother will experience this period differently. It is called the fourth trimester for a reason. That reason is to remind us-mother, family, friends, culture at large-that after birth there is a period of integration that requires nurturing care within a larger container of relational support.
No, life does not jump back to normal post-birth. And no, if you are struggling in the postpartum, you did not catch the postpartum.
You are in the postpartum phase of this transitional period in yours and your family’s life. Sometimes, this period is very hard. Sometimes, mothers struggle with symptoms of mental distress or illness (and I have a viewpoint as to why). Sometimes, this period is glorious and full of glimmers. Sometimes, this period is physically challenging and other times, it is emotionally disruptive. One thing that is certain, if you gave birth (and this includes reproductive loss as well) there will be a postpartum phase and it requires tending to.
The point is that the postpartum period is full of vital information about you (the mother), the newborn, the family, and the culture at large. And if we want to talk about experiences in the postpartum in a real way, to change the larger conversation, we need to overtly name what we mean when we say: ‘I caught the postpartum’.
Do you mean you were diagnosed with a PPMD or were you caught off guard by this time period? Or were you just not feeling normal? Or were you surprised that there was a postpartum phase?
Let’s stop shying away from naming what is true and real for us during the postpartum phase of integration and recovery; as if ‘catching’ the postpartum is a sign of weakness and defeat. Instead, I encourage mothers out there to find their voice and claim space within the postpartum continuum. Name what is working and what is not working, and talk about it. Let’s bring awareness, without the shame, that something is terrible off and it seems to show up in the postpartum. Pay attention to what might be off for you.
Lean into the postpartum phase fully. Let yourself be consumed by this time period. Resistance is the enemy here, not the postpartum.
Okay, this is my rant that I have been wanting to write ever since hearing those statements on podcasts and in passing conversations. I will return to this idea of postpartum as a phase of integration and recovery. I have already written a lot about this and so have many others, however, it needs to be lifted up again.
As we are reminded, we re-member ourselves.
Let’s re-member ourselves home to our hearts.
………………….
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